Not Another Game of Thrones Recap: Winter is Here and Your Eczema is Back (S:7 E:1)


And before I break down every frame possible I’m obligated to say a girl is dropping major spoilers so don’t read any further. 5-things-you-might-have-missed-on-the-game-of-thrones-season-6-premiere-949455

We can’t even get through 0:01 of this episode without Arya showing us WINTER IS HERE AND DON’T YOU FORGET IT. She had all those Frey’s fooled and they were grabbing that wine like freebies at Costco. I have to give it to Walder’s wife Kitty Frey who embodied the “wtf” face beautifully. Screen Shot 2017-07-18 at 10.57.40 PM.pngWatching all the Frey’s die was more satisfying than sitting through my college graduation. When you hear the lords of Winterfell say Jon avenged the Red Wedding remember this photo and NEVER FORGET IT. Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 2.58.18 PM.jpg

Anyway fast forward past the credits to beyond the wall where we got a white walker parade and its everything you need for a crazy night out on the town. Screen Shot 2017-07-18 at 11.03.15 PM.png

We got the extras from the Waking Dead, the guys from the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie and Wun Wun’s siblings. Which any time I see these fuckers taking a stroll I’m like well fuck it we’re all going to die and I don’t even live in this world.

Screen Shot 2017-07-18 at 11.40.14 PM.pngSo turns out Bran just got his white contacts in and watching the Night King and has finally made it to the wall. And can I say ITS ABOUT DAM TIME. Poor Meera has been hauling him along and doesn’t even get a pat on the back. Then when asked by my buddy Edd to prove he is Brandon Stark, Bran literally says “lol we’re all going to die” and that just convinces them he’s Ned’s son. Fingers crossed Bran gets his ass to Winterfell because I’m having serious Stark family feels ok.

Which speaking of Winterfell my man Jon Snow is King in the North and KILLIN’ IT. He’s checking things off his list like dragonglass, being merciful to traitor families and not taking any Sansa’s back talk. Am I the only one enjoying this bickering between Jon and Sansa? I mean I think it be boring if they working perfectly together, like Sansa even stated last season she was horrible to Jon. But I’m super biased because Jon can do no wrong and I’m whipped. However, he needs to start listening to Sansa because she is one tough bitch who knows her shit. Sansa is literally giving Jon and step by step guide on how not to lose his head.

But lets just put those two aside because here comes my hero Lady Mormont stealing the spotlight with the line of the night. Jon is becoming the feminist we deserve but letting these men know women can and will fight. Screen Shot 2017-07-18 at 11.50.17 PM.png

(My theory is this ten-year old could probably take out the night king just be looking at him. Lets just skip the next two seasons and give her the iron throne already.)

We’re moving down South and Cersei is testing out her google map skills. Enemies are surrounding the Lannisters so who better than to invite Mick Jagger of the Iron Islands to Kings Landing to strike up an alliance. Euron has arrived and letting Cersei know not only does he have ships but more body parts than Jamie. Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 12.44.01 AM.png

But Euron isn’t getting that throne so easily. Besides his fleet and two hand jokes what does he have to offer Cersei? He suggests bringing her a priceless gift to win her trust, which screams RED FLAG ALL OVER IT. I truly believe Euron is bringing someone’s head to Cersei and I’m REALLY hoping it’s not Tyrion’s.

I’m just going to speed round the next couple scenes because at this point all we care about is Daenerys and her entourage finally making it to Dragonstone.

So we got Sam in Oldtown living his best life cleaning shit, puke and putting away books or what I like to call a normal shift at Barnes and Noble. Sam was giving me Harry Potter feels when he decided to sneak into the restricted section and steal some books. The books tell us Dragonstone has mountains of dragonglass, which if you’ve been paying attention Jonny boy needs it!

Also we find out Jorah Mormont’s eczema is getting worse and he’s ALSO chilling in Oldtown with Sam. He nearly makes Sam shit himself when questioning if Daenerys has made it to Westeros or not. I give it to anyone that automatically knew it was Jorah, because subtitles did the work for me. Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 1.09.21 AM

Back at Winterfell Tormund is still got the hots for Brienne and Brienne beating Podrick’s ass trying to train him. All while Little Finger is being especially creepy towards our girl Sansa. Kind of like that crazy uncle you avoid once a year at the family reunion. But Sansa already knows Petyr’s intentions and she aint having it.

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Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 1.00.44 AM.png I just want to pause for a second and say I enjoyed this scene because it humanized the Lannister army. It was interesting to hear their stories and their lives outside of being a soldier “fighting someone elses war” as the dad-to-be put it.

Now we got the hound freezing his ass off and insulting a good man bun. And he somehow sees something in the flames so maybe Melisandre ain’t all that crazy. Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 1.07.09 AM.png


Emilia Clarke should be nominated for an Emmy just for walking on to the sand. The final scenes of this episode are truly powerful as we watch Dany take in her childhood home. Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 1.16.02 AM.png

With Tyrion, Varys, Grey Worm and Missandei by her side we are feeling this moment with them. It took us six seasons through all the fire, blood, and dead khals to finally get here and everyone can agree emotions are THROUGH THE ROOF. I’ve never been so moved by a scene that contained no dialogue.

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And just like that the season 7 premiere ends with three words: Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 1.21.37 AM.png


Also where is Gendry.


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